My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize