I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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