Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
