the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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