matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
