sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
