Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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