Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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