also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This girl is more easily done than said...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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