Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
