fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
