And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
