The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
