would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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