She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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