The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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