just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
be right there i have to get my cape
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
