Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize