He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
3 2 1 whiskey
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
