im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
