so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
