you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
