508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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