Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
