cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
