id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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