a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
