it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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