bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize