i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
