Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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