Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
