You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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