I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
