her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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