when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
