Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
