i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
