Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
