At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
