my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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