I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
