I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
