Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
