5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I could make wine with my vomit
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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