the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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