In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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