just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
