I think I died a long time ago.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
