How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
