For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
