tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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