yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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