Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i will never coherently bang her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
