booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
