You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
