What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
