dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
