Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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