She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
