i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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