South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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