I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize