at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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