um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
