The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
