Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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