i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
