Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
