When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had sex on a roof
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
