There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
