Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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