How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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