If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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