I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
