I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
