Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I touched a dick in church today
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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