she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
