I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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