how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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