I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
