I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize