the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
