im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
