I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
