No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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