I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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