Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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