Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
