if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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