You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
