i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
