I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
