Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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