And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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