I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
